Religion and Ethics

Introductory activity 5:

Many people confuse love and friendship. Others confuse sex and sexuality. These concepts are totally different. With examples, differentiate these concepts in line with Islamic faith

5.1. The meaning and importance of Friendship

Learning Activity: 5.1

• Do you have friends? If yes, highlight activities friends do to one another? Is friendship important? How?

The Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, often spoke to his companions about the value of good companionship. He emphasized the need to surround ourselves with good people. People, who hold the same values and beliefs that we do, make the best friends and companions. Differences of opinion, different lifestyles and interests may make our friendships interesting and sometimes challenging but if the core value system is not the same the friendship itself probably has no solid foundation. For the believer, the solid foundation must always be Islam; the irrefutable truth that there is no god worthy of worship but Allah and that Muhammad is His messenger.

Every believer, past, present and future is linked by this fundamental truth. Prophet Muhammad spoke about this bond on many occasions, like where the Prophet says. “The example of the believers, in their mutual love and mercy for one another is like the example of one body, if one part feels pain, then all of the body suffers in sleeplessness and fever”. The believer to the believer is like a solid building, one part supporting the other.

Friendship and companionship are important in Islam. A good friend is one who accepts your shortcomings, but at the same time guides and supports you. A good friend is one who accommodates your faults but corrects them where possible. A good friend is one who will love and forgive you for the sake of God. It is important to choose your friends carefully. Prophet Muhammad warned the believers about this too. He said that a person would be influenced by his friends, and he warned that everyone should look carefully at those they consider to be their friends.

Prophet Muhammad also reiterated this point when he told the story of the blacksmith and the perfume seller. The example of a good companion (friend) in comparison with a bad one is like that of one who sells perfume (misk) and the blacksmith. From the first, you would either buy perfume or enjoy its good smell, while from the blacksmith you would either get burned or smell a bad scent.

Once we have found good friends it is important to keep and maintain the friendship. Believers are connected by their love of God and His messenger and this entails certain responsibilities. In his traditions, Prophet Muhammad said, “A person visited his brother in another town and God sent an angel to wait for him on his way. The angel said, “Where do you intend to go?” The man answered, “I intend to go to my brother in this town.” The angel said, “Have you done any favour to him, the repayment of which you intend to get?” He said: “No, I love him for the sake of God, the Exalted and Glorious.” Thereupon the angel said, “I am a messenger to you from God to inform you that God loves you as you love him.”

Believers should never be envious of one another, they should always be happy when the blessings of God fall upon their friends and companions. The Prophet may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, said: None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself. The Muslim’s prayer for his absent brother will be answered. There is an angel at his head who, whenever he prays for his brother, says, Ameen, and you shall have likewise. Do not have malice against a Muslim; do not be envious of other Muslims; do not go against a Muslim and forsake him. Oh the slaves of Allah! Be like brothers with each other. It is not violable for a Muslim to desert his brother for over three days. A believer loves others for the sake of God. He desires for them what he desires for himself. A believer is tolerant of others mistakes or shortcomings and is forgiving. There is no anger, envy, hatred or malice between believers.

It may sound too good to be true, doesn’t it? This however is Islam. It is a way of life that expects every person to respect every other person. Islam says you are part of a community and it is your right and your responsibility to be the very best person that you can be.

Seeking good companions and maintaining good relationships is a responsibility that each believer has to himself, his community and to God. Seek companions who are seeking paradise in the hereafter. “Content yourself with those who pray to their Lord morning and evening, seeking His approval, and do not let your eyes turn away from them out of desire for the attractions of this worldly life, and do not yield to those whose hearts We have made heedless of Our remembrance, those who follow their own low desires, those whose ways are unbridled.” (Q.18:28).

Application activity 5.1

• With Quranic verses and prophetic traditions, discuss about the impor-tance of companionship and friendship in our life.

5.2. Islamic teachings about boys-girl’s relationship.

Learning Activity: 5.2

• Discuss the position of Islam towards boys-girls relationship. Is it good? Why?

A girlfriend is not the manner of a Muslim. It is forbidden for a male Muslim to have a girlfriend, as it is forbidden for a female Muslim to have a boyfriend. Muslims should have good relations with all people, males as well as females, at school, at work, in your neighbourhood etc. You should be kind and courteous to everyone. However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a friend of the opposite gender as a very special friend. Such friendship often leads to unlawful and forbidden acts and behaviours.

In the Qur’an, Allah mentioned that good men and women are those who marry, do not have fornicating relationships and do not have “paramours” or Akhdan. (See Q. 4:25, and Q. 5: 5). Akhdan are “sweethearts” or for a man a “mistress” and for a woman a “lover”. The Prophet (peace be upon him), is reported to have stated that “whenever two strangers of the opposite gender are alone with each other, Satan becomes the third one between them.” So it is not allowed for a Muslim boy to have a girlfriend or for a Muslim girl to have a boyfriend. Howsoever pure your intentions may be, the danger is that it will lead you to sin. Or at least you will be alone with each other and spend more time together.

Thus, you should be friendly with your classmates, both boys and girls; but do not take a girl as your intimate friend. Of course, Islam does not encourage homosexuality and lesbianism. So it does not allow taking a boy either as your intimate friend in the “gay sense”. Friendship with the opposite sex is not of Islam. It used to be of the pre-Islamic era life style. Friendship of both opposite sex can never be safe or sex-free.

But, a law is usually amended for social regulations. There is no law to be customized for a certain person or few people. The Qur’an and Sunnah guidance for the sexes dealing with each other has a main major issue for which Islam has set principles and rules to govern. It is the desire and lust. The Qur’an prohibits anything that motivates one’s heart in a seductive way towards the other. The Qur’an tells a woman when she speaks to a man to speak in a way that doesn’t show any interest in him lest he should feel seduced to build up an unhealthy relationship. If there is a possibility in any kind of action that it could lead by some percentage into catastrophe, no one will ever take that risk.

Application Activity 5.2

• What are the potential problems that could be caused by unlawful relationship between male and female?

5. 3. Avoiding peer pressure.

Learning Activity: 5.3

• Suppose your friend proposed to you a cigarette for smoking in order to maintain the relationship.

The Dangers of Peer Pressure.

The consequences of the absence of Islamic teachings as the governing system of today’s Muslim society are manifesting themselves in all aspects of our lives. The detrimental effects of not having the Islamic social system can be felt regardless of whether we live in the Muslim nations or elsewhere. In some cases, Muslim youth are losing their Islamic identity, their values and even their religion.

When one examines why some youth deviate, a simple but terrifying fact is brought to light most of the time, the cause is the influence of friends that surround them. The task of choosing the right friends and companions is essential to preserving our identity. Befriending righteous and virtuous Muslims is one of the prerequisites for staying on the straight path and pleasing Allah.

Islamic identity should not only be maintained within the family, we sometimes overlook who our youth are associating with when they are outside the house or on the computer. Islam has given us a road map to navigate through our lives in order to succeed both in this world and hereafter. We must always abide by the Islamic values in all aspects of our lives and choosing the right friends is no exception. A Muslim should choose friends who will advise him and remind him about Allah rather than leading him to the path of Satan.

It is therefore important for a Muslim to choose good friends. The love between two Muslim friends is such that they will confide in each other, help each other in times of need and difficulty, and strengthen each other’s commitment to the religion of Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged Muslims who have love for each other not to keep it to themselves. It has been narrated by al-Bukhari that the Prophet (saw) said, “If one of you loves his brother for Allah’s sake, then let him tell him since it causes familiarity to endure and firmly establishes love.”

Relationship with non-Muslims.

As Muslims living at any part of the world, we interact with non-Muslims on a daily basis whether at work, university, college, school or in society at large. It is incorrect for us to cut ourselves completely from them and live in isolation. We should aim at building relationships with them and showing them kindness and compassion of Islam in order to attract them to embrace Islam. It is important to always remind ourselves that our purpose in this life is to carry Islam to everybody and show them the right path.

Valuing your Youth.

While we are young, we have the potential to follow Islam by advancing our understanding and carrying Islam to others and also using our youth strength appropriately because youth doesn’t last forever, so we must make good use of it before it is gone. We have to ensure that we follow the footsteps of the great Muslim youth of the past who were luminaries of humanity. Let us remember the words of the Prophet (Peace be upon Him) who said,“Value five things before other five things: Youth before old age; health before sickness; affluence before poverty; leisure before becoming too busy; and life before death.”[Tirmidhi]

Application activity 5.3

• Discuss about the rules you would set up to choose a good friend.

• Do you agree with the saying “Show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are?” And why?

Islam takes into account all of humankind’s needs; spiritual, emotional and physical. Part of physical wellbeing includes sexual wellbeing and health. God created sex not only for procreation but to fulfill humankinds need for intimacy. Islam leaves no part of our lives unexplained and thus sexuality and intimacy are not topics that the Quran and the traditions of Prophet Muhammad, May God praise him, shy away from or neglect.

Islam encourages marriage and has made it the only means through which one can satisfy their sexual needs. There are well-known consequences if a person engages in premarital relationships or behaves in a promiscuous manner. These include unwanted pregnancies, the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, family breakdown in cases of adultery and emotional difficulties arising from relationships without commitment.

Islam is aware of these complications and cautions the person who does not take the matter seriously. Islam defines pre-marital and extra-marital sexual relationships as great sins. “Nor come closer to illicit sexual intimacy for it is a shameful and immoral, opening the door (to other immorality).” (Q.17:32). There are some dangers and implications of unlawful sexuality (prostitution) include psychological, physiological, social, health-related and spiritual dangers.

a. Psychological Implications of Prostitution.

Under the psychological aspect, 2 dangers are suggested. They are the anxiety caused by prostitution and the permanent sense of guilt caused by it.

Prostitution keeps you in a constant anxiety.

The first psychological danger of Prostitution is anxiety. The Muslim who has an atom weight of Faith in his heart will remain with uncomfortable feelings, if God forbidden, he commits. This is no matter how much forgiveness he has sought from Allah. This is because, although Allah is surely forgiving for those who seek His for-giveness, the forgiveness granted does not eradicate the impact of the body contact that has taken place.

The scene can’t be wiped out from the memory. Although Allah may have forgiven him, he himself cannot forget the sin he once or repeatedly committed. Why? Because it involves someone’s dignity. It involves someone’s daughter. It involves someone’s mother. It involves someone’s wife. She too can’t forget it because it involves someone’ son, father or husband.

Prostitution will also affect his or her marriage life. The more it affects his or her marriage life, the more anxiety he lives in.This constant anxiety will subsequently evolve into guiltiness that hunts the person.

Permanent Sense of guilt that hunts you

Prostitution takes place with two parties of the opposite genders. It can’t take place with one only person. I’m afraid that may be a secret habit. It can’t also take place between two parties of the same gender. That’s even more dangerous than prostitution itself. It will hunt you, if anyone is affected by your action. And certainly, someone will be affected. When you break someone’s virginity, isn’t he or she affected?

When you drag someone son or daughter intoprostitution wouldn’t he be affected, even if he didn’t know about it? When you cause someone to betray her husband or his wife, isn’t that aggression to his or her right? Doesn’t that cause damage to the dignity and bond of a family? More important than all the above; it breaks the boundaries of God Himself. The boundaries of Allah are only broken by aggressors. When it comes to health, Prostitution poses different dangers to its committers. What’s there more dangerous than been kicked out of Allah’s mercy, or being deprived from any blessings from Allah as a result in involvement in it?

Spiritual Implications of Prostitution.

The most dangerous implication of adultery is that it’s a sinful act. Committing it invites Allah’s wrath. A community or society that normalizes adultery is affected with numerous (if not endless) hardships, unless they refuse to acknowledge it as such. This is regardless, whether or otherwise, the community or society is a Muslim or not.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) says in a Hadith reported by Imam al-Bukhari and Muslim: “When the fornicator is committing fornication, he is not a believer.”Thus, among the characteristics of the chosen servants of Allah (Ibad al-Rahman) is that they don’t commit adultery. Also, among the qualities of the believers is that, they safeguard their chastity. Failure to observe that lands one in the company of the evil.

Allah has created us and outlined some boundaries of His, which we should observe. The implication of crossing these boundaries affect us and our loved ones with us not knowing. A man who is known for Zina activities has done injustice to his children, as no one would like to build a kinship with him “and he who transgresses the bounds set by Allah commits a wrong against himself” (Q. 65:1).

Kinship is one of the noblest things to Allah. He reserves high regard for it. With the transgression of Zina, we don’t only do great injustice to ourselves as well as our loved ones. We also commit a greater transgression to the boundaries of Allah, and something that is highly regarded by Allah. This act of evil should not be confused with or connected to the noble concept of friendship, which did not meant for it but to serve the following:

Loving Friends for the sake of Allah.

This means that we would undertake actions to help a friend or further our relationship with them for the sake of Allah even though they may go against our personal interests. The Prophet (saw) said: “Whoever would like to taste the sweetness of belief (Iman) then let him love a person only for Allah’s sake.”[Ahmad].

Generosity and Kindness

Giving gifts has also been recommended by the Prophet (saw) and he explained that it strengthens the relationship between people. It was narrated by al-Bukhari that the Prophet (saw) said: “Give gifts and you will love one another.”[Bukhari]. Kindness to our friends, helping them in need and consoling them in times of grief should become natural to us for everyone needs help, a shoulder to cry on and someone to share their joy.

The relationship of friendship is one of trust as a good Muslim is trustworthy and not deceitful. He does not betray nor backbite. In reality this makes the relationship between friends in Islam stronger than friendship according to Western concepts as there is no constant worry about whether your friend is speaking ill of you to other people or betraying you.

Islam has prohibited backbiting and slander thus removing the cause of suspicion and doubt amongst people: “O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You abhor that (so abhor the other)! And keep your duty to Allah. Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful.”[Q. 49:12].

Islam also forbids envy and jealousy which are the common causes of problems amongst friends. The Prophet (saw) said: “Do not have malice against a Muslim; do not be envious of other Muslims; do not go against a Muslim and forsake him. Oh the slaves of Allah! Be like brothers with each other. It is not violable for a Muslim to desert his brother for over three days.”[Muslim & Tirmidhi].

Application Activity 5.4

• Discuss about the relationship between the human sexuality and friendship

5.5. The spiritual morals and conduct of boys and girls.

Learning Activity: 5.5

• List down the spiritual conducts of boys and girls in Islam.

Islam is a comprehensive way of life, and morality is one of the cornerstones Islam. Morality is one of the fundamental sources of a nation’s strength, just as immorality is one of the main causes of a nation’s decline. Islam has established some universal fundamental rights for humanity as a whole, which are to be observed in all circumstances. To uphold these rights, Islam has provided not only legal safeguards, but also a very effective moral system.

Thus, whatever leads to the welfare of the individual or the society and does not oppose any maxims of the religion is morally good in Islam, and whatever is harmful is morally bad. Given its importance in a healthy society, Islam supports morality and matters that lead to it, and stands in the way of corruption and matters that lead to it. The guiding principle for the behavior of a Muslim is “Virtuous Deeds”. This term covers all deeds, not only acts of worship. The Guardian and Judge of all deeds is God Himself.

The most fundamental characteristics of a Muslim are piety and humility. A Muslim must be humble with God and with other people: “And turn not your face away from people (with pride), nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, God likes not each arrogant boaster. And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of the ass.” (Q. 31:18-19).

Muslims must be in controls of their passions and desires.A Muslim should not be vain or attached to the ephemeral pleasures of this world. While most people allow the material world to fill their hearts, Muslims should keep God in their hearts and the material world in their hand. Instead of being attached to the car and the job and the diploma and the bank account, all these things become tools to make us better people. “The Day whereon neither wealth nor sons will avail, but only he (will prosper) that brings to God a sound heart.” (Q: 26: 88-89)

Principles of Morality in Islam.

God sums up righteousness in the following verse “It is not righteousness that you turn your faces towards East or West; but it is righteousness (the quality of ) the one who believes in God and the Last Day and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; who spends of his wealth, in spite of love for it, to the kinsfolk, to the orphans, to the needy, to the wayfarer, to those who ask and for the freeing of slaves; and who is steadfast in prayers, and gives Zakah (Alms); and those who fulfill their covenants which they made; and who are patient and perseverant in poverty and ailment and throughout all periods of fighting. Such are the people of truth, the pious.” (Q.2: 177).

This verse teaches us that righteousness and piety is based before all else on a true and sincere faith. The key to virtue and good conduct is a strong relation with God, who sees all, at all times and everywhere. He knows the secrets of the hearts and the intentions behind all actions. Therefore, a Muslim must be moral in all circumstances; God is aware of each one when no one else is. If we deceive everyone, we cannot deceive Him. We can flee from anyone, but not from Him. The love and continuous awareness of God and the Day of Judgment enables man to be moral in conduct and sincere in intentions, with devotion and dedication: “Indeed, the most honourable among you in the sight of God is the most pious.” (Q.49:13). Then acts of charity to others, especially giving things we love. This, like acts of worship, prayers and Zakah (mandatory alms), is an integral part of worship. A righteous person must be reliable and trustworthy. Finally, their faith must be firm and should not wane when faced with adversity. Morality must be strong to vanquish corruption: “And God loves those who are firm and steadfast.”

Patience is often hardest and most beautiful when it’s against one’s own desires or anger: “And march forth toward forgiveness from your Lord and for Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the earth, prepared for the pious. Those who spend (in the way of God) in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon people; verily, God loves the doers of the good deeds.” (Q.3:133). These three acts are among the hardest things for most people, but they are also the key to forgiveness and to paradise. Are they not the best, those who are able to exercise charity when they are in need themselves, control when they are angry and forgiveness when they are wronged? This is the standard by which actions are judged as good or bad. By making pleasing God the objective of every Muslim, Islam has set the highest possible standard of morality.

Morality in Islam addresses every aspect of a Muslim’s life, from greetings to international relations. It is universal in its scope and in its applicability. Morality reigns in selfish desires, vanity and bad habits. Muslims must not only be virtuous, but they must also enjoin virtue. They must not only refrain from evil and vice, but they must also forbid them. In other words, they must not only be morally healthy, but they must also contribute to the moral health of society as a whole. “You are the best of the nations raised up for (the benefit of ) men; you enjoin what is right and forbid the wrong and believe in God; and if the followers of the Book had believed it would have been better for them; of them (some) are believers and most of them are transgressors.” (Q. 3:110).

The Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, summarized the conduct of a Muslim when he said: “My Sustainer has given me nine commands: to remain conscious of God, whether in private or in public; to speak justly, whether angry or pleased; to show moderation both when poor and when rich, to reunite friendship with those who have broken off with me; to give to him who refuses me; that my silence should be occupied with thought; that my looking should be an admonition; and that I should command what is right.”

Application Activity 5.5

• Discuss about the essence of modesty and shyness in Islam.

5.6. The importance of young people in Islam.

Learning Activity: 5.6

• Discuss bout the worshiping activities that can be done much better at youth age.

Muslim youth can contribute to Islam by giving time, talent and money. They should also play an important role to bring about positive change in society, and should work with an objective of making Islam prevalent over all the other ways of life. The youth is the stage of life when the individual should grasp good knowledge about Islam and make effective utilization of the time and talent given by Allah.

Despite the inexperience of youth, it is a time in a Muslim’s life when his faith is likely to be tested repeatedly by temptations “of the flesh.” It is the duty of young Muslims to overcome these temptations and preserve their religion (Islamic way of life), share Islam with others and observe the teachings of the holy texts of Islam, such as the Quran and the Hadith. Beyond fulfilling these basic responsibilities, however, young Muslims are expected above all to play an important role in the advancement of Islam.

Establish Good Habits

Within the Muslim community, it is believed that youth is the most important period of life. This is the time in which opinions, habits and beliefs are formed, and it is important for the time to be spent in personal development. For example, Muslim youth should develop the habit of praying five times per day, as he or she will do in adulthood; of avoiding the temptations of time alone with the opposite sex and of seeking guidance from older, wiser Muslims. In this way, the Muslim youth will begin adulthood as a spiritually strong individual able to serve as a role model for other young people.

Glorify Allah.

Ideally, the Muslim youth should do all things with the aim of glorifying, or serving, Allah. Even casually spending time with friends offers the opportunity to share Islam. Young Muslims should also refrain from backbiting, slander, jealousy and envy and focus instead on gaining Islamic knowledge and practicing the Islamic values of forgiveness and forbearance. Even if a Muslim youth has limited understanding of the Quran’s complexities, he should endeavour in all situations to behave in a way that would please Allah. In fact, when a Muslim spends his youth in worship and study of Islam, Allah views it as a form of gratefulness for life.

Seek Knowledge

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) referred to the attainment of an education as a duty not as a right or as a privilege for all Muslims. In youth, Muslims have the responsibility to pursue both a religious and a formal education. Muslim youth may learn by attending religious services, but they are also encouraged to seek wisdom from parents and other relatives. The Prophet warned against mistreating or belittling the youth for their lack of wisdom and urged the different generations to come together and learn from one another.

Application Activity 5.6

• Discuss about the role of young people in Daawa’t Activities.

5.6 End Unit assessement 5

Unit Assessment 5.

1. Give the meaning and importance of friendship.

2. With Quranic verses and prophetic traditions discuss about the importance of companionship in our life

3. What are the potential problems that could be caused by the unlawful relationship between male and female?

4. Do you agree with the saying “Show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are?” And why?

5. Give some dangers and implications of unlawful sexuality (prostitution) include psychological, physiological, social, health-related and spiritual dangers.

6. Give some spiritual morals and conducts of boys and girls, that are engaged in Islam.

REFERENCES

Bibliography

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