UNIT 3: MARRIAGE CELEBRATIONS IN RWANDAN CULTURE AND IN DIFFERENT RELIGIONS
Key Unit competence:Appreciate the importance of human sexuality and family in God plan
3.1 The meaning and the purpose of human sexuality
3.1.1 Meaning of human sexuality
The question of sexuality carries a multidimensional character according to its
effects and influence on human life. The attempt to define ‘sexuality’ leads to the
analysis of the areas there, as well as their fields of application and limitations.
The purpose of the study of sexuality leads to the comparison of overlapping
concepts such as sexual interaction, marriage, gender and related issues.
Sex: characteristics of the human being, and other living things, according to
the basis of their reproductive functions. Everybody can be referred as male
or female. The concept ‘sex’ may also refer to sexual intercourse.
Gender: gender refers to the socially constructed characteristics of women
and men, such as norms, roles and relationships between group of men
and women. Different societies have different views on the roles that are
specific to men or women. The attitudes on various roles, clothing styles and
behaviour are influenced rather by the family interaction, peers, education,
mass media, cultural beliefs and family norms.
Sexuality: the sexuality bears a broader and multidimensional aspect of
the human life. The Resource Centre for Adolescent Pregnancy prevention
defines sexuality as “the expression of who you are as a human being, your
femaleness or maleness”. While sex is attributed at the birth according to
the human physiology, sexuality evolves from the combination of various
influences. The sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts,
imaginations, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles
and relationships. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological,
psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, ethical, legal, historical,
religious and spiritual factors (WHO 2006, p. 5).
In some societies, for instance, rearing a child is ascribed to the women while in
other societies it is the duty of men. Thus, gender and role attribution cannot be
absolute nor over-generalised since the culture is dynamic and diverse.
3.1.2 Purpose of human sexuality in various religions
There two types of religion: Abrahmic(theistic ) and Non-Abrahamic(theistic
and non theistic ) religions.
a) Abrahamic religion
The sexuality bears a universal aspect. The concept of sexuality is addressed
in various religions and its physical and spiritual effects. Mostly Abrahamic
religions consider the sexuality as a gift from God hence giving reason to the
respectful reflection of moral principles.
Judaism: the comprehension of sexual life in Judaism exceeds the physiological
feature. The Hebrew word translating ‘sex’ also means knowledge. Thus, sex
involves a thinking act that requires responsibility and commitment, sex is more
than physical encounter. The sexual behaviour and activity are restricted to the
context of marriage. Several rules and regulations highlight the sexuality the
conditions, restrictions and prohibitions:
The sexuality is willed and created by God for the purpose of
procreation (Genesis 1: 26-27), companionship (Genesis 2: 18),
intimacy, comfort (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12) and physical pleasure.
Sexuality reinforces the marital bond between husband and wife.
Both sexes, male and female, were created in the image of God
(Genesis 1: 26-27). Each gender brings unique and complementary
qualities to sexuality and relationships.
Some sexual practices are considered as immoral acts and therefore
prohibited: adultery, incestuous acts, sex with a menstruating woman,
bestiality (sex with animal) and other various sexual acts (Leviticus
18: 1-23; 20: 9-21).
Example of prohibition:
“You shall not uncover the nakedness of your mother’s sister, for that is to make
naked ones relative; they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless. If a man
takes his brother’s wife, it is impurity. He has uncovered his brother’s nakedness;
they shall be childless (Leviticus 20: 19-21).
The transgression of the above rules bears both social and spiritual
consequences: dishonest, shame and spiritual impurity hence breaking the
family and social integrity.
Christianity: the Christianity has maintained the value of sexuality according
to the Jewish legacy. However, it developed more protective mechanisms and
set boundaries of the sexual desire. The teachings from the New Testament
denounce the immoral thought at the as equally to sinful act. The sexuality
expression constitutes an important part of the worship. Inversely, the sexual
immorality, impurity, evil desire, and covetousness are compared to idolatry”
(Colossians 3:5). Thus, the scriptures warn against human beings lest that they
do not fall under the undesirable impulsions. The Sermon on the Mount declares
it clearly: “you have heard that it was said, ‘you shall not commit adultery’. But
I tell you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already
committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5: 27-28). This statement
might be the interpretation of the 10th commandment from Decalogue. It is a
reminder that the sin starts with coveting the neighbour’s wife which may indulge
in sexual desire. Nevertheless, coveting extends to more objects. Coveting is
one amongst the roots of the sin (James 4: 1-3).
Thus, the youth is warned to flee from any temptation that may lead to foolishness
or illegal acts:
“So, flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and
peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (2
Timothy 2: 22).
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside
the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his body” (1
Corinthians 6:18).
Islam: Islam upholds the view of the sexuality as the gift from God and restricts
the sexual relationship between man and woman. The main end of sexuality is
the procreation and rearing children, although its expression of sexuality may
lead to further benefits. The sexual acts practised in the lawful norms may lead
to potential benefits including fulfilment, enjoyment, trust, pleasure and feeling
of love. However, these benefits are supplementary and cannot justify the end
in them. In this regard, the Qur’an advises the unmarried persons other modesty
ways to prevent sexual intercourse:
Whoever among you can marry, should marry because it helps to lower
his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private part from committing illegal
sexual intercourse); and whoever is not able to marry should fast, as fasting
diminishes his sexual desire” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5066).
The sexual intercourse outside marriage is discouraged. Chastity is
encouraged: “Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep
themselves chaste until God gives them the means (Qur’an 24: 23). Adultery
is considered as abomination and evil (Qur’an 17: 32).
b) Non-Abrahamic religions:
The view on sexuality and sexual relation is shared among non-Abrahamic
religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism and Sikhism, etc. These considerations
recognize the social and religious value of sexuality. The sexual relation is
reserved to the marital duty. In Hinduism, the sexual act is exclusively accepted
in the context of marriage. Any sex before the marriage or the age of twenty-five
is likely to interfere the intellectual development. The Sikhism views chastity
as important and believes the divine spark from almighty God is present in the
divine body so that everyone is to keep clean and pure. The Buddhism teaching
although acknowledge the sexual act for couple but recommends the chastity.
The sexual urge is considered amongst the sources of suffering along with othercravings.
3.2 Human sexuality theories
Theories of human sexuality consist of the analysis of various beliefs, rules as
well as assumptions guiding the consideration of sexuality. These theories are
examined regarding the psychosocial and spiritual contribution to wellness of
the society.
The sexuality raises diversified understanding and interpretation in both religious
and psychosocial consideration.
Here are some of the sexuality theories:
The religious comprehension finds the sexuality and sexual desire as positive or
negative.
The pessimistic view considers the sexual desire as negative and morally wrong.
The sexual activity is considered a threat to another person by reducing him or
her to an instrument. Both parties engaged in the sexual activity lose their selfcontrol,
an important character of human being. This view considers the celibacy
as an ideal spiritual state. On the other hand, the optimistic view considers
the sexuality as a natural mechanism that joins people together, both sexually
and non-sexually. Sexual activity is thought to generate pleasure, gratitude and
affection that are significant to deepen the human relationship. The pragmatic
and prudential use an evaluative approach to analyse the dangers of sex. Sexual
activities can be physically and psychologically risky, dangerous and harmful.
They are susceptive to the damage of the body tissues, transmission of several
diseases and/or result in unwanted pregnancy. They may also lead to the
negative feeling such as anger, guilt, regret, pain and discomfort (Soble 2009).
On the psychosocial aspect, studies have shown the various conditions from
which the sexuality evolves and the subsequent behaviour. The human sexuality
is understood in the interplay with various emotions, feelings and behaviour
actions.
Evolutionary perspective: human sexuality to the sole physiological
traits. The theory sees the gender and psychological differences as the
result of biological reflection. Sexual personality is considered the effect
of defence mechanism and environmental influences.
Psychological theory: it was developed by Sigmund Freud. The theory
discourses the sexuality and behaviour from the concepts of id, ego and
super ego on one side and erogenous zones associated each of five
stages of the psychosexual development: oral (birth to 1 year), anal (1-3
years), phallic (3-6 years), latency (6 years-puberty) and genital (pubertydeath).
The erogenous zone is meant by an area of the human body withhigher sensitivity to sexuality thought, relaxation or provocation.
Erogenous zones change gradually from the period of infancy to adulthood.
During these stages the energy of sexual ambition (libido) may be regulated
by unconscious instinct for satisfaction (id), the sense of self-efficacy (ego) as
well as the moral ethical standards and lows (super ego). This approach is also
intended to be medical. In his psychanalysis approach, Sigmund proposes that
one should reflect on his/her feeling thus making the unconscious conscious
(Gans 2019 July 24).
Sociological perspective: this theory believes the society to be the main
agent in shaping the human sexuality through and its social institutions. The
social institutions such as family, religion, education and media, etc. affect
social norms such that appropriate behaviour depends on the culture. The
physical pleasure or disclosure and sexuality are associated with the kinship
system, power structure and beliefs of society. For instance, the culture
defines rules and set up the permissible behaviour and prohibitions.
Learning theory: The learning theory upholds the motivation as the major
determinant of the human behaviour. The sexuality is defined by a system ofreward and punishment.
3.3 Marriage according to teaching of different religions
The marriage is fundamental in any society as the basis of the human family.
Every society and culture define the practices of marriage, as well as the laws
regulating the home in this case the relationship of couples, family duties, laws
and obligations as well as restrictions.
The Judaism recognises a sacred character of marriage. The marriage is
considered the covenant entailing obligations of procreation; educate children
the ‘shema’ (Deuteronomy 6: 4) and ethical practices.
The practice of marriage requires the mutual consent of both parties. Before the
ceremony the bridegroom signs the document (ketubah) pledging himself to the
bride. However, the document might be also signed by their respective parents
or other relatives in the presence of at least two witnesses from both bride
and bridegroom families. After the reading of the conditions stipulated in the
promise, the ceremony ends by the breaking the glass under the bridegroom’s
foot. This symbolic act is thought by some to represent the idea that even times
of great joy need to be balanced by moments of serious reflection. Others see
it as a reminder of the destruction of the temple of Jerusalem, a theme which
reappears in Hebrew prayers (Harley 1992: 306). The marriage entails rights
and duties of the parties: enjoy life together (Ecclesiastes 9: 9), bring happiness
to the wife (Deuteronomy 24: 5) the provision of food and other home duties
(Proverbs 31: 10-31).
Christianity: Marriage is considered as an unbreakable union of the man and
woman (Genesis 1: 26-28; 2: 24). The husband and wife are believed to remain
together until the death departs them. The purpose of marriage includes the
procreation, but not limited to, the procreation, mutual delight. The bride and
bridegroom pledge to love and care for each other ‘in sickness and health’.
The marriage is deemed sacred, involving the careful consideration (Hebrew
13: 4; 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20). The fulfilment of marital duties is mandatory for
both spouses and in a mutual consent (1 Corinthians 7: 3-5). Celibacy is also
encouraged to the same extent with the marriage (Mathew 19: 1 Corinthians
7: 1).
The divorce is discouraged (Mathew 19: 4-11). Though, the sexual infidelity is
regarded as the reason that may cause the divorce in some conditions. “But
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness,
causes her to become adulteress and anyone who marries the divorced womancommits adultery” (Matthew 5: 32).
The celebration of the marriage is declared by a priest or minister after the
mutual consent of spouses. Most of the time, civil marriage takes place before.
Islam
The Islamic law recognizes the marriage as a contract between two individuals.
The marriage intends to bind together. The marriage is acceptable when two
individuals feel ready financially and emotionally to do so. The governing force
of marriage is love (30: 21) and decisions are to be taken according the mutual
consent. The sexual act is intended for the reproduction. Though the sexual
urge is considered natural, free sex is not accepted. Spouses are guaranteed
the rights to enjoy each other and to inherit from each other as well as the
confirmation of the lineage of their children.
The mutual consent, the dower, the witnesses and prenuptial contract are the
preliminary conditions of the marriage. After that the contract is signed, the
marriage is legitimatised. The celebration of wedding will take various forms
according to the culture.
The divorce takes two forms either through the repudiation (talaq) or mutual
consent by returning the dower. The dower differs from dowry since the former
remains the property of the bride rather than her family. But the malicious life is
not supported (2:231).
Some restrictions in Islam:
Polygamy is accepted in some conditions when man is able to take care
of his wives physically, financially, intellectually, morally. But polyandry is
strictly prohibited;
Homosexuality is forbidden;
Sexual intercourse outside marriage, or before marriage, is forbidden;
Marriage is permissible at the age of maturity (puberty): i.e. menstruation,
voice changing, wet dreams. A forced marriage is forbidden, without
consent of partners;
Interfaith marriage is allowed in case a man is to marry is Jewish or
Christian woman;
Adulterous men are not allowed to marry chaste women and vice versa;
The dower is given to the bride rather than her father; Contraception is allowed if pregnancy may endanger the woman life.
3.4 Marriage celebration in Rwandan culture
The Rwandan traditional culture, the marriage shows a remarkable moment of
joy in the bridegroom and bride families. The traditional marriage traces many
years back and was held in the family of the bridegroom family. Although some
modifications are coming into effect, the traditional wedding rituals keep the
social value that should not be overlooked.
The marriage constitutes the basis for family. It intends the procreation, raising
children and establishing kinship systems. Rwandans used to believe that being
single especially among women was considered strange and unacceptable.
The steps of traditional marriage include the following:
1. Courtship: preliminaries relation which culminates into marriage
under traditional laws and customs. The procedures of courtship involve
negotiation for the dowry price, and it is carried-out by the spokesman from
both families. The courtship is the most important for the future bride and
groom to know each other.
2. Introduction ceremony: During this ceremony the bride introduces
her future husband to her parents, relatives and friends. The families are
required to have a spokesman to represent them. The spokesman takes
the role of the final emissary of the day of the introduction. He plays an
important role in showing that he has the tradition and experience in
responding the challenging question from the other side’s spokesman.
Originally, the spokesman had to be a member of the man’s family to speak
on behalf of the man’s side. Today, few people remember prominently the
cultural requirements and tongue-twisting of old at these ceremonies, many
people now offer the service at a fee. During the introduction ceremony, a
Rwandan man is required to pay dowry in form of a cow or money before the
solemnization of the marriage. Bride price carries the purpose of validating
and legitimizing the relationship between a man and woman. Traditionally,
in case of divorce the dowry could be returned. The payment of dowry is a
still common practice in Rwanda.
3. Wedding: In Rwandan custom, marriage is solemnly held at the residence
of the groom’s father. The ceremony is the joyful moment characterized by
folklore dress, dance, and promises to take care of the bride and to meet all
the expected responsibilities. The bride is formally introduced to the family
of the groom.
4. Seclusion: After the reception party, some of the guests drive to the
couple’s new home for the seclusion ceremony. Traditionally, after marriage
the newlywed wife stays isolated for an undetermined amount of time. At
the end of this period of seclusion, a ceremony is organized by the family
and friends to visit her and bring her several items to stock in her home.
The husband is expected to furnish the home completely and new wife is
expected to bring household goods which include the wedding presents.
Additionally, the evening after the wedding at their new home the couple respects
other rituals that have evolved over the years. Word is that in the past, wedding
guests waited while the couple consummated the marriage to find out if the
woman was a virgin. Other rituals include: the groom’s aunt is cutting a piece of
the bride’s hair to symbolize that she belongs to him. Also, a young bridesmaid
is also given to the bride as a symbolic little sister to help her out for a few days.
The Rwandan marriage knows the three parts: traditional introduction
ceremony, a civil ceremony and religious church ceremony. It is a means
of keeping relations between the two families alive and strong. Basing on the
traditions, parents played a huge role in assisting their daughter or son in selecting
a marital partner or giving in approval to the relationship. The involvement of
parents and relatives emanated from their willingness to provide security and
peaceful homes for their children. They used to carry out a background check
on the family of the prospective bride or groom before establishing contacts.
Marriage is considered the most basic social institution in Rwanda. Unlike in the
past; most couples today select their own mates, though approval of the familyis expected (Newtimes Reporter January 21, 2011).
3.5 Rights and duties of spouses
- Looking out for each other’s interests in all things (1Corinthians 7:33-
- Praying for each other (1Peter 3:7).
among spouses.
a) Shared duties: care for the need of the family, mutual responsibility,
treat each other with kindness, and fulfil the other sexual needs.
b) Duties of the husband: the husband owes to his wife the dower,
support, kind and proper treatment, marital relations, privacy, justice
between multiples wives (in case of polygamous husband), to be taught
of her religion, defence of her honour.
c) Duties of the wife: value the husband authority, obedience, marital
relations protect the property, praise the efforts of the husband, requestpermission in some matters (leaving home, voluntary fasting), etc.
3.6 Different kinds of marriage and their effects on society
and human rights
The marriage takes different forms according to the societies and cultures
including monogamy, polygamy and polyandry.
Monogamy consists of the engagement of one man with one woman.
Polygamy was commonly practiced in the ancient Israel. Several patriarchs
were polygamous such Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Samuel, David, Solomon.
However, an explicit notice was prescribed against which kings were not to take
many wives (Deuteronomy 17:17). The consequences were various among
others the rivalry between women, the diversion against the Lord, hatred and
wars between the descendants of the same lineage. Further effects include the
abuse of power from the husband, jealousy and rivalry; woman is reduced to
the neglected status, affects children. Polygamy does not allow the principle of
equality.
Polyandry is the umbrella term for one woman maintaining sexual access
to more than one man. In the societies where it is known, it may take various
forms: fraternal polyandry where a woman is married to two or more brothers;
associated polyandry where a woman marries two or more men separately when
one woman is married to one man, but has sex with other men in addition to
her husband (Benedict 2017, p. 3). Polyandry is known to lead to severe health
issues. It may lead to sterility and extinction of the population of the society. It isprohibited amongst Abrahamic religions.
3.7 Issues associated with marriage and families
The marriage and family face a wide range of pressures and challenges that
bear a serious effect on the social life. These evolve from the concerns of the
life of couples in their household, the parental responsibilities and problems
rooting from the social progress and change. They include:
1. The struggle raising and education of children;
2. Difficulty agreeing on decisions;
3. The support of extended family; etc.
4. The lack of convenient consensus is likely to lead, but not limited;
5. Emotional depression;
6. Divorce and separation, etc
The attempt to address the issues associated with marriage approach and
mechanism to sexuality education that are likely to address both health and
psychosocial issues. They may include the sexuality rights and education, gender
equity, techniques of birth control, use of contraceptives, contractual marriage,
etc. However, there is a debate among the cultural and religious beliefs on the
appropriate approach to marriage issue. Thus, as Kösternberger (2017) notes,
it is important to analyse the root cause of the failure of marriage and return tothe religious teachings.
3.8 End unit assessment
