Religious Studies for ECLPE ,LE, SME

Meaning of marriage
Marriage is defined as an intimate and complementing union between a man
and a woman in which the two become one physically, in the whole of life. The
purpose of marriage is to reflect the relationship of the Godhead and to serve
Him. Although the fall has marred the divine purpose and function of marriage,
this definition reflects the God-ordained idea for marriage from the beginning.

Male and female in the marriage relationship are of the same nature and essence,
equal as persons (Galatians 3:28), intimate in relationship, common in purpose,
but distinct personalities with different roles: the husband leads and the wife
submits to his leadership (Ephesians 5:31). Marriage appears designed to
reflect the same relational unity-in-plurality as the Godhead.

Marriage, the most intimate relationship human relationship, was appropriately
chosen to reflect this relational aspect of the divine image. Each sex alone
incompletely exhibits this part of the divine image. This open intimate relational
aspect of God’s image, reflected in marriage, was marred by the fall (Genesis
3:7-10), causing each mate to hide (cover oneself) from each other and from
God.

Marriage is the most basic and significant social relationship to humankind. This
relationship must be nurtured and maintained for the welfare of all. Without
marriage society will fall.

1. What is the meaning of the term marriage.
2. Polygamy is not allowed byRwandan laws. Outline the effects of
polygamy.
3. Distinguish between religious marriage and civil marriage.
4. In marriage spouses have responsibilities towars each other. List
some for the husband and some for the wife in order to have a
happy family.

Using internet and other references identify different phases of traditional
marriage and explain how they contributed to the promotion of peace among
Rwandans.

In Anthropology, traditional marriage is defined as the primary established form
of marriage recognized in a given country or religious or social group at a given
time: In that culture, traditional marriage requires the families of the future bride
and groom to engage in ritual visits and exchange gifts.

Some people define traditional marriage as the marriage between one man and
one woman (primarily used by opponents of same-sex marriage).

Marriage is considered the most basic social institution in Rwanda. Wedding
traditions go back for many centuries and even though some westernization has
crept into certain segments of the Rwandan society, a lot of these traditional
weddings are still carried out today.

Traditional weddings have continued to be important family rituals.

In Rwanda marriage is a social institution which was accorded much respect and
dignity, people desire to establish a family by getting married, raising children
and establishing kinship systems. Rwandans used to believe that being single
especially among women was considered strange and unacceptable.

After the preliminary search for a woman and if two families approve of the
relationship, this phase is locally known as ‘Gufata irembo’. It is when courtship
begins and culminates into marriage under traditional laws and customs.

It is said that this procedure of ‘gufata irembo’ consists of a set of rituals that
involves negotiations for the bride price with representatives from the groom’s
family to the bride’s family. The preparation for marriage takes a while in order to
allow the prospective bride and groom to know each other better.

At this time, preparations of the traditional introduction ceremony (Gusaba) are
ripe. It is an occasion where the girl who is soon to be married introduces her
future husband to her friends, parents and relatives.

Both families were required to have a spokesperson to represent them. The
spokesperson takes the role of the final emissary on the day of the introduction.
He is the one who is experienced of Rwandan traditions to engage or answer
challenging questions from the other side’s spokesperson.

Normally, the spokesperson had to be a member of the man’s family to speak on
behalf of the man’s side. Today, few people remember prominently the cultural
requirements and tongue twisting of old at these ceremonies, many people now
offer the service at a fee.

Dowry (inkwano)

During the introduction ceremony (Gusaba), a Rwandan man is required to pay
dowry in form of a cow or money before the performance of the ceremony of
marriage. Dowry carries the purpose of validating and legitimizing the relationship
between a man and woman.

Rwandans gave great respect to the practice of dowry such that in cases of
divorce it was usually returned. It is a way of assuring that a girl is properly
treated; in case of mistreatment, she can always return home and be accepted
by her parents and other relatives. The payment of dowry is still common practice
in Rwanda.

In Rwandan culture and custom, marriage ceremonies (Ubukwe) are held
at the residence of the groom’s father, with the bride and groom beautifully
dressed in traditional outfits. Family members and friends gather to witness the
joyous occasion. During the ceremony, the family of the bridegroom will make
statements of affection before the in-laws with promises to take care of the bride
and to meet all the expected responsibilities. The bride is formally introduced to
the family of the groom amid exchanges of friendly remarks.

After the reception party, some of the guests go to the couple’s new home for
the seclusion ceremony (gutwikurura). Traditionally, after marriage the newly-
wed wife stays isolated for an undetermined amount of time. At the end of this
period of seclusion, a ceremony is organized by her family and friends to visit her
and bring her several items to stock in her home.

The husband is expected to furnish the home completely and new wife is
expected to bring household goods (Ibishyingiranwa) which include the wedding
presents.

Additionally, the evening after the wedding at their new home the couple
respects other rituals that have evolved over the years. Word is that in the past,
wedding guests waited while the couple consummated the marriage to find out
if the woman was a virgin.

Other rituals include the groom’s aunt is cutting a piece of the bride’s hair to
symbolize that she belongs to him. In addition, a young bridesmaid is also given
to the bride as a symbolic little sister to help her out for a few days. Also, an
aunt or godmother was to put a mosquito net over the couple to symbolize their
union.

Marriage forms

Most Rwandan weddings have three parts: a traditional introduction ceremony
done at the family level, a religious ceremony performed according to the
spouses beliefs, and a civil ceremony performed by Government competent
authorities. It is a means of keeping relations between the two families alive
and strong. Basing on the traditions, parents played a huge role in assisting
their daughter or son in selecting a marital partner or giving in approval to the
relationship.

The involvement of parents and relatives emanated from their willingness to
provide security and peaceful homes for their children. They used to carry out
a background check on the family of the prospective bride or groom before
establishing contacts.

Marriage is still considered the most basic social institution in Rwanda, unlike
in the past; most couples today select their own mates, though approval of the
family is expected.

Explain the different phases in traditional Rwandan marriage process.

Using internet and other written resources make a comparison between
dowry payment in traditional marriage and modern marriage in Rwanda.

With supportive argument discuss if dowry is still relevant in Rwanda today.

After Gusaba phase, the next phase would be the Gukwa , that is the payment
of the dowry. The dowry was always strictly a cow or several cows because
nothing else could ever be able to replace the void the departed daughter would
cause.

Once the negotiations are over, the bride’s side invites the groom’s side to
share a drink. Then, before the groom’s side left, they would often be given a
drink known as Impamba which they were to enjoy along their journey home. In
modern times, if one side has travelled a great distance they may even be invited
to share a meal together with their future in-laws before they return home.

Even though a lot has changed over the centuries and young Rwandans do
not accept arranged love anymore, the communal aspect remains profoundly
present.

In the present time a bride price is still given in Rwanda. This comes from
Rwandan tradition, in which a bride leaves her family and becomes a part of the
family of the groom after the wedding. In fact, in the past a bride was supposed
to cry and be sad on her wedding day, since she was leaving behind the life
and family she had always known. The bride price is like a repayment of the
investment of the bride’s family which was traditionally one or more cows, but
today is often given in money instead. But there some families that still pay

dowry in form of cows. The amount paid normally corresponds with the wealth
of the girl’s family and her level of education. The girls from wealthier families
and higher educational backgrounds receive higher bride prices.

The dowry ceremony is normally held at the house of the bride’s family, and it
begins with the entrance of the groom’s family. The two families sit opposite
and facing one another, and men normally wear suits and women wear dress
in traditional Rwandan clothes, often a cloth draped over one shoulder and an
undershirt. Normally the groom sits among his wedding party, and the bride
stays inside the house with her bride’s maids until later in the ceremony.

Each family has one representative chosen to speak for the family, and these
representatives spend most of the ceremony bantering back and forth about
the bride and groom to be married. Normally this will start with the groom’s
representative saying something like, “a boy from our family wants to marry a girl
from your family,” and the bride’s representative intentionally misunderstanding.
He will normally respond something like, “well, that is excellent, but our daughter
is still in primary school. Your son will have to wait a few years before he can
marry her.” This banter continues until the families agree on which boy and girl
from their families will be married, at which point the bride and groom are each
presented to the other’s family.

The dowry paying ceremony includes the exchange of small gifts, formerly local
beer and honey, now normally fanta and coca-cola, as well as other things like
carved walking sticks for the patriarchs. After exchanging gifts, the bride and
groom sit at chairs placed in between the two families, and all the guests share
a meal. After the meal, the bride and groom change into different clothes and
the guests all walk or are transported to the church for the religious ceremony.

1. Define the word “dowry”.
2. Discuss the role of dowry in traditional and modern Rwanda.

Using the Bible, internet and other various written resources, discuss the
role of the family in promotion of peace and values in the community and
society.

Definition of family
According to Murdoc, family is a social group characterised by common
residence, economic cooperation and reproduction.

Burges and Locke define family as a group of persons united by tie of
marriage, blood or adoption, constituting a single household, interacting and
communicating with each other in their respective social roles of husband and
wife, mother and father, son and daughter, brother and sister, and creating and
maintaining a common culture.

According to Murray and Zentner family is a social system and primary reference
group made up of two or more persons living together who are related by blood,
marriage or adoption or who are living together by arrangement over a period
of time.

Family is the basic social institution and the primary group in society.

It is made up of a married couple and their children. This group lives together
apart from other relatives, also called conjugal family.

– Extended family
It includes not only the nuclear family but also grandparents, uncles, aunts and
cousins, also called consanguine family.

Impact of family to the promotion of peace and values
The family lays the foundation for the individual’s development and happiness as
well as society’s cohesion and advancement. As a microcosm of the human race,
the family is a key instrument for establishing peace through the encouragement
of such virtues as love, unity, compassion, justice, respect and loyalty.

Attitudes and behaviours learnt in the home have a direct bearing on the order,
prosperity and peace in our communities as well as the world at large. The
habits and patterns of conduct nurtured in the home are carried into the work
place, into the social and political life of the country, and finally into the arena of
international relations.

In the world suffering from social and moral crisis, societies often overlook the
importance of balancing individual and societal needs as well as reconciling the
individual interest with the common good.

It is within the family that character is developed, moral and spiritual attitudes
are formed and one learns to serve the common good. And it is with the family
where the values of tolerance, peace and social responsibility can be initiated
and taught. Success in this crucial matter requires fostering a loving and
constructive environment at home, based on love of God and adherence to his
laws.

Education requires for promoting peace must begin in the family where children
of the earliest age learn about the fundamental oneness of humanity and
overcoming prejudices that divide us whether based on race, religion, gender,
class, or nationality.

It is within the family that children can be encouraged to associate with people
of all races and religions. They also learn to appreciate the different cultures and
the contributions different people have to make. It is with their families that they
can be taught the concept of oneness of humanity.

We have to be mindful, however, that excessive attention to family interests
would not lead to a narrow social outlook which could be harmful to the broader
community.

Today, many stable and united families, because of intolerance towards one or
another segment of society instil in their children prejudices that stifle their love
for humanity and hamper their sense of justice.

Through such upbringing, our children can become indifferent to the suffering
of others or to regard violence and oppression as justified even to contribute
towards it

1. Define the term family
2. Distinguish between nuclear family from extended family.
3. With example, explain how a family play an important role in promoting
peace and values to society.

1. Define the term marriage.
2. What do you think was God’s intention to marriage?
3. Make a comparision of monogamic marriage and polygamic marriage
4. Explain the different phases in traditional Rwandan marriage process.
5. After defining the term dowry, discuss the role of dowry in traditional
and modern Rwanda.
6. Distinguish between nuclear family from extended family.
7. With example, explain how a family plays an important role in
promoting peace and values to society.

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